| being a teenager |
[29 Dec 2002|12:32am] |
It doesn't just happen one day,
you don't just wake up a teen.
it seems to start when your younger,
and it isn't as easy as it seems.
you feel things you never felt before,
confusion, hurt, and love.
sometimes they become to overwhelming,
that you just have to let go.
you scream and yell and cry and wait,
for everything to stop.
the stress you carry on your shoulders,
is often to heavy to bare.
you have to keep it around all the time,
and still have a smile on your face.
then we have peer pressure,
some can manage it fine.
but for the other 95%,
it can be the destruction of their life.
your pressured into drugs,
alcohol and sex.
and many other disgusting things.
that one day you may regret,
but right now you just don't see,
so always remember to smile,
but blow a fuse sometimes,
because being a teenager,
is just not easy,
but it can't be that hard.
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| Secret Admirer or Prank? |
[24 Dec 2002|02:57pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
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music |
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Soil - New Faith |
] |
I got this x-mas card in the mail today and it was from someone I don't even know. It has no return address on it. It seems like it had to be put in my mailbox by that exact person. The person signed " Dear: Amanda, I wish you and your family a very merry christmas and a good 2003. Sincerely, Joe ". Im like.. Mom? Who's joe? I don't know a joe? Well maybe I do but I dont remember? So.. My sister thinks I have a secret admirer or it's a prank. Have a merry christmas everyone!!
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| Pictures!!! |
[21 Dec 2002|10:36pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer |
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Hey Hey,
My hotti girlfriend is here and we took a cute pic.. well at least I think itz cute!!!! :)
That tis' my girlie Kat on the left & MOI on the right!!!
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| Hummm.... |
[20 Dec 2002|11:12am] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
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music |
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The Tragically Hip |
] |
Good Morning. Today is the last day of school before xmas break. 2 weeks off.. and I only have to work 4 days of the 2 weeks.. but its from 7am-4pm. Long shift. I can handle it though Im sure. :) Phattie Pay lol. I have started my anti depressants... only half a pill though. No more smoking weed.. Im not going to take the risk of having side effects. That's jus' stupid. Anyways.. Gotta get ready to go back to school for my last period to do sweet bugger all...
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| + Awkward + |
[30 Nov 2002|10:42pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Disturbed - Prayers |
] |
Today seemed like a pretty "normal" day.. or whatever people consider normal. I worked this morning from 6am - 12pm.. overtime.. is good in a way.. I was offered another job at Shoppers drug mart. I was going to take it.. but my girlfriend said she'll dump me if I do.. why? b/c she said she'll never see me. Which is true.. Working two jobs and school. I got kinda angry with her though b/c my mom got laid off her job so my dad and I have to work extra hard at our jobs to be able to afford clothing, food and the house. So I think she felt bad afterwards when I said.. " Ok.. So Im trying to do a nice thing for my family and help keep them on their feet even though they've treated me like shit Im not going to sink to their pathetic level and take advantage of the situation, Im going to work so I have somewhere to live " she was silent after than apoligized. I probably won't take this job but kat & I want to move out and get an apartment together. So time for me to save up. Other news.. I went to Jack Astor's for dinner with my mom and dad... It was freezing rain well we were driving and it was like a skating rink. Walking up the sidewalk their was a little ramp and i went to go up it but jus slid back down again my mom had to shove me up.. it was quite hystarical. My gf is at a Genisis concert in Toronto today.. I hope she makes it home safetly. Tommorrow is my relaxation day.. and Monday.. Im going to the barn again.
I can't wait to see the horses.
Well.. thats my entry..
btw, I dont write entries out just so people can read them.. If I did that.. I wouldnt have a journal b/c hardly ne one reads my entries.. * not putting on guilt trip * I do it to get things off my back.. - relaxing sigh -
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| Man |
[22 Nov 2002|12:58pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
] |
So my rent's agree with me that I have some major baggage and that they really want me to go see a Physciatrist.. They are actually wanting to get me help. I NEED ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!!!! That would make everything good.. I think. Well my friends think I am schizophrenic because I hear voices and I talk to myself 24/7 and I have full fledged conversations with ppl on my couch when no one is really there and I hear their jokes but I cannot see who they are.. they're face is a blur but I can see the clothing they are wearing. Kinda creepy eh? hehe! It's snowing outside again.. im about to go have a shower and head back to school for my last period class..or Im thinking of jus staying home.. kickin' back.. having a shower and meeting kat after school to chill w. her. Oh man this morning was crazy... I stayed at Kat's house last night.. and she lost her weed in the park.. it has a 20 piece .. already chopped and ready to roll. We went to the park earlier this morning and we saw a lil baggy that looked empty.. we picked it up and their it was.. her weed. So it was a good morning... but the sad thing is..I was freezing my ass off.. My parent's are worried about my weight.. I am loosing weight.. Cause my dad said he can really tell in my face.. dude.. i eat alot. maybe im getting sick..
Well time for my shower.
snow is making me cold.. jus by lookin out the window.
--later
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| New Pix... |
[19 Nov 2002|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Otep - Blood Pigs |
] |
Hey look I got new pix done of me.
More are in my webshots album.. when i upload em all I will kindly release the link.
let me know what u think
--> mandy
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| " Always & Forever " |
[09 Nov 2002|02:21pm] |
Guess what? I could be.. very possibly be living on the streets before the weekend is out so do me a favor and for all those who want me to have their phone # or what to stay in touch.. Leave a comment w. your number(s) and I will leave my cell phone #.. 905-806-2787. It was nice to know all of those who wish not to give their number out or whatever.. UHm. yah.. I'll say 3 words and I mean it.
I'LL BE BACK!!!
love ya all always and forever
mandy or blake
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| Gut Feelingz |
[04 Nov 2002|10:37pm] |
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mood |
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annoyed |
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| [ |
music |
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+ Papa Roach : Time & Time Again + |
] |
I really am starting to hate these gut feelings I am getting.
They must mean something. Just this past week I have felt alot of pain and anger inside me. Im not sure what it is that's causing it. I think its telling me that Im going to be hurt in the near future or I am going to loose someone close to me.
I hate this.. Its making me scared to see what the next day brings. I almost hate being depressed all the time. I really need anti-depressants.. I wish my parents would put me on them..
Shit man.
This sucks.
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| Hmm.. |
[03 Nov 2002|09:06pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Saliva - Always * Awesome Song * |
] |
oh goodie another long week of cold temperatures.. freezing rain.. snow *not complaining about snow* and my parents not letting me walk to school at 7:45am.. Where the hell am I going to go at 7:45am.. school of course.. What do they think im going to go smoke a pile before school.. Uh hello.. I cant even work the shower in the morning.. I have enough trouble with making my bed.. and they think I have the energy to pack a bowl or roll a joint?
They are right. I always have energy to smoke a pile.. lmao!
Night pplz. Have a good week.
--Blake/Mandy
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[28 Oct 2002|06:11pm] |
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GREAT DAY
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| ..Question |
[29 Sep 2002|09:48pm] |
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Who reads my entries...
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| good news + bad news |
[26 Sep 2002|10:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Poison The Well - Torn |
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wow. I have a really busy couple of weeks coming up for me. Work has been taking up alot of my time lately which is alright. I need the extra money anyways. The inside of my lip is really swollen for some reason.. I think its because I fell off my water bed last night.. lol. I woke up half on and half off.. oh wait that would explain the blood on my pillow.. Rrrright. So I worked 6 hours of overtime last saturday... I worked the reg. Tues-Thurs of this week but I am working another 6 hours tomorrow.. Saturday I am going hacking .. For those un familier with horse terms.. Hacking is.. A ride in the woods. So I am riding in the forest all day saturday with my friend Marilyn. Sunday I am going to the Tournement of champions at the barn i ride at.. The York Equestrian Centre anyone that lives around me should go check it out.. $5.00 parking.. thats all the money you have to pay unless you want food. Monday I ride.. then the reg. work.. I show friday.. and my parents are going away that weekend so I dont know what I am going to end up doing.. Whooo knowss...
Anyways.. Thats my busy sched. Maybe I should take a lil 2 day trip somewhere? lol. Chicago? Indiana? Las Vegas? lol. No I doubt I could pull it off. Well.. The bad news.. Nya hurt her leg.. She is limping severely on her right.. I cry everytime i see her limping.. God it hurts to see her in pain.. So im taking her to the vet tomorrow morning w. my dad.
thats it.
night.
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| *// May As Well.... |
[22 Sep 2002|03:01pm] |
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mood |
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Uhm. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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New Found Glory - My friends over you |
] |
Name: Blake
Height: 5 '10
Weight: 145lbs.
Hair color: Dark Brown w. blonde highlights
Eye color: Green
Size: 8 inches. ;)
Shoe size: 9 1/2
Measurements: Small & Compact!
Sexual orientation: Queer
Age: 17
AIM: DisjointedDyke
Email: Hoodiezrawk@kornfreak.com
Location: Ontario Canada
Favorite subject: Photography
Favorite sport:Horse Back Riding + Lacross
Favorite food: Bagels & Cheese , Scallop Potatoes.
Favorite author: I dont read much.
Favorite book: Anything Equestrian.
Favorite color: Black + Grey
Favorite board game:Life
Favorite car: Red Porche Boxster Convertable. :)
Favorite motorcyle: Yamaha Motorcyle.
Favorite stone: Stone? Well I dont know about my fav stone.. But I do love getting Stone-D!
Favorite semi-precious stone: Psh.
Favorite gemstone: Uh..
Favorite quote:"Kiss me slowly and leave me lifeless"
Type of girls I like?: Punk.Gothic.Skater.
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[14 Sep 2002|02:58pm] |
k well screw my plans for tonight. my mom gets so fucking anal about who i hang out with.. so i had to call and tell em i cant go out.
i am really really bitter now.
no wonder im a fucking suicidal loner.. I have NO FRIENDS for this very fucking reason.
jesus christ.
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[14 Sep 2002|01:47pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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ok so today i forgot was kayla's birthday.. she is 18. so she called me last night and wanted me to go out. my parents dont like her at all.. but amazingly my mom said i could go. so i am.. i have to get ready soon. we aren't going to throw a birthday party.. we are throwing a " omg amanda has alot of chronic " party for her. kayla wanted to buy some off me.. but im giving a half quarter to her for free cause shes my friend.. and its her bday. so she said that shed by me smokes .. so i guess we kinda got a deal. i get to see jorden today.. finally. Jorden is jaycie's 8 week old baby.. anyways... i must go stop the washing machine and get squeeky clean.
oh + btw for those of you who thought my entry last night was selfish..
deal with it.
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| *// No Sympathy Wanted |
[13 Sep 2002|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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MurderDolls - Slit my wrists |
] |
suicide is in my mind and no one can stop me..
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| + Tip + |
[12 Sep 2002|11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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cold |
] |
Here's a tip for those who like to dirtbike.. from my own personal experiance.. don't do it near ponds OR ass biting ducks!!!
lol!
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| + Ok + |
[10 Sep 2002|12:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
] |
Alright so I woke up this morning.. Opened my eyes.. Looked at the clock.. 7:30am. Oi. I felt like complete shit. I can't believe it's only 1:00pm. It feels like .. 4pm. I am home for the day. I went to first period class and my eyes were so red that the principal thought I was on drugs and pulled my ass into the office until he heard my voice he was willing to suspend me. I have a really bad cold. It's not allergies after all. I sound like a male .. My voice is really low and crackly lol. I don't mind too much though. Someone called the house earlier and was like.. Hello Sir are your parents home? I was like.. Uh no they are at work.. so he was like thanks for you time sir.. good bye. haha thats funny. My body is so sore, and my throat , eyes and nose hurt. Poor me.. First time ive been sick all year..
-Sniffle, Sneeze, Cough-
Oi!
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disjointeddyke's journal